[+2] A West Philly woman is attempting to use crowdfunding on the web to purchase the house she’s been squatting in for the last eight years. “I’ve always wanted to gentrify,” she explains. “I just couldn’t afford it.”
 Lightning forces the audience inside the Linc to take shelter during a Taylor Swift concert. Swift, meanwhile, remains on stage, where she is struck by lightning some 31 times with no ill effect.
[+4] A 25-year study performed by area researchers concludes that babies born to crack-addicted mothers have few significant disadvantages intellectually or developmentally. Meaning we had to look at all those horrible photos of tiny, bug-eyed babies for no fucking reason.
[+4] The crack-baby study did determine that poverty was a greater detriment to child development than crack. Go ahead and make us look at photos of poor people all damn day. We won’t feel a thing.
[-1] A posting on Craigslist purports to be written by a Philly mom attempting to arrange a hook-up for her son so he can lose his virginity before enrolling in Harvard. And suddenly a bunch of Wharton kids are wondering if that handjob during orientation wasn’t a miracle after all.
[+1] The 400-passenger Liberty Belle paddlewheel boat, which formerly gave tours on the Delaware, will be auctioned in Baltimore. With that out of the way, there should be less Google Alert confusion for any-body else using that name. Specifically the drill team, the conservative women’s group, the chorus, the roller-derby team, the gun-rights group, the women’s football team, the synchronized-skating team, the Tea Party blogger, the volleyball club and the website offering a “glamorous glance at the world of tactical military jobs with a sexy twist.”
[+1] A new study by the Department of Energy finds no evidence that fracking leads to contaminated drinking water. So suck it up, frack babies.
This week’s total: +11 | Last week’s total: 0