Wednesday, October 6, 2010

[is only gonna get funner]

The Other White Meat by Mr. Fish:




the bell curve
CP's Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

[0] The U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development says that both Mayor Nutter and former Mayor Street must agree on a replacement for ex-PHA director Carl Greene. "Hey honky," says Street, "Have you met my brother Milton?"

[+1] The PHA holds a morale-boosting meeting to "thank [employees] for their work," says John Street. "But it's only September, who hired a... wait...everybody off Santa's lap! Carl, you sick bastard."

[-2] A Senate hearing reveals that the FBI questioned the state Office of Homeland Security about a contractor that was "often inaccurate and almost always useless. "Have you met my brother John?" asks Milton Street.

[0] At their first of only two debates, gubernatorial candidates Tom Corbett and Dan Onorato agree to lower the state's corporate net income tax. Slow. Clap. Slow. Clap.

[+1] Ex-drug dealer Tommy Hill says he wants to set the record straight that he's "not a rat." "I just like cheese. And gnawing. And shitting wherever the mood strikes me."

[-1] Some fans raise concerns over loud, foul-mouthed chants at Philadelphia Union games. "You're So GAAAYYY. SO-GAY SO-GAY SO-GAYYY," reply Sons of Ben

[-4] Police find 20 cats in an Upper Darby woman's freeze4r. Oh hai. I can haz furburger?

[+1] A Glenside man proposes to his girlfriend after she suffers an asthma attack at Eastern State Penitentiary. "And only after she accepted did I hand her the inhaler."

[+1] TEDx, a global conference that aims to put forth "ideas worth spreading," holds an event in Phoenixville. The first presenter; The Blob, on consuming everything in your path.

[+1] DIY Network performs kitchen makeover at Danny Bonaduce's home. First, they forcibly remove Bonaduce, then declare the makeover a success.

[+3] In 2009, Pennsylvania police pursuits dropped by 13 percent. "Instead, we've been integrating a silent treatment policy. Your criminals know what you did. Get out of my sight. Damn right I'm mad at you."

This week's total 1 - Last week's total: -6



Note:

Hat-tip & Congrats to Brian Howard, Jeffrey C. Billman, City Paper and Staff.


Update: Theater Files For Bankruptcy

A Sheriff's Sale is called off as the Prince Music Theater seeks Chapter 11 Protection